Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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