I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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