I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
