proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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