SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
