Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
