she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
