Banned from zoo.
Again?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
