Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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