The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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