I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
