'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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