Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
