i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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