I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
