So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
