ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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