He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
