I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
