Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
