Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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