oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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