your parents love me but you hate me
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
