Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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