dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
