I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
