Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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