First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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