she looked like the before picture.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
