Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
