I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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