The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
