this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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