I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
