i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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