Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
