It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
