He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Houston, we have a blender
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
