Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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