Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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