I smell stomach acid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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