I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
