I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
