How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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