he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
