peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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