is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We are all done wearing pants today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
