if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
