Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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