so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
birth control should be required to get into college
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
